Disclaimer: Voyager and her crew are the property of Paramount.
Note: The timeline does not follow canon and in Part Three the physical appearance of a character and some of the storyline is different from the episode it is based on.
I am sat in Sandrine's, as I usually do at this time of day, waiting for the crowd to come in. I feel good, relaxed. At last I feel as though I belong, well nearly. Becoming Harry's friend was a lucky break, lucky for him but very lucky for me. Because I am a friend of Harry's and he is a friend of B'Elanna's, I have made a bunch of friends who were Maquis and because Harry is Fleet I also have a group of friends who are Fleet. All in all, I'm Mr Popular. Old hurts have been put aside, grudges settled. It has been a slow process but eventually we have become one crew and at last I am on reasonable terms with the Commander. We are never going to be good friends but we have shared the odd game of pool. I have even had a few lunches with him, no big deal. On the whole he keeps himself to himself. Unlike me, I am like a kid in a candy store, and what a variety of candy to choose from.
I knew from a young age that I was bi-sexual. If they're good looking or good company, preferably both, I'll sleep with them, whether male or female and now I've got the pick of the crew, who are lonely and since we're in the Delta Quadrant, frustrated. Senior staff are out of bounds, too many complications when it ends. Not that I find any of them attractive. The Captain, she is just too controlling, Tuvok, too repressed and Chakotay, well he is just too straight.
Greg, Geron, Harry and B'Elanna join me and we settle down with a drink. We're all having a good laugh about another of Harry's mishaps and I am giving Geron the eye. He's a bit young but attractive in that naïve kind of way. I notice his eyes light up and then Ayala laughs.
"Down boy, Harry's got more chance of falling in love with an available woman, than you have with him." Ayala gazes fondly at the young Bajoran and for a moment I think there may be more to Ayala's feelings than acting the protective older brother.
"But Greg, he's just so sexy and manly and good-looking and I would give my right arm for just one night with him." Geron closes his eyes and gives a little moan.
I've slept with quite a few of the crew and nobody that good springs to mind. There must be someone I have missed on my trawl through the available crew so I turn to see who it is they are talking about. I look around trying to see just who is so sexy and manly but I cannot see anyone, the only person in that direction is Commander Celibate.
I lean forward, "who are you talking about?" I turn to look again.
"The Commander, of course. Isn't he the sexiest man you've ever seen?" Geron is practically dribbling with lust.
I look at Ayala puzzled. I mean Chakotay's not bad looking but he's not Voyager's equivalent of a sex god by any means.
"I think you're coming down with something Geron, I'd go see the doc. What do you say Greg?" I keep looking back around at the First Officer in case he's got something that's obvious to the others and I've just not noticed.
"Leave him alone Tom, most of the crew have had a crush on the Commander at some time." Greg reaches over and ruffles Geron's hair as thought he's some little kid, which compared to us, I suppose he is.
I feel like have fallen into an alternative universe, when did Chakotay become the resident heartthrob.
I look at my friends and as one they all nod.
"You've got a crush on Chakotay?" I look at Harry as if he's grown two heads.
"Did have, for about a six months. I thought it was so obvious that I expected you to call me on it."
"It never even occurred to me. I mean the man doesn’t do anything for me so I assumed he didn’t do anything for anyone else. Now I find everyone's drooling over him."
The conversation stops as the man in question joins us and takes a seat next to me. I look over at Geron and I see a maidenly blush creep over his cheeks. I laugh to myself.
Chakotay turns and looks at me, I mean really looks at me. He smiles, a genuine all the way to his eyes, smile.
"You alright Tom?"
I am certain that he didn’t have that smile before we had this little talk. For a moment only the two of us exists as he holds my gaze and then I break the gaze and look away.
This evening is turning too weird for my liking. "I'm fine Commander but if you don't mind I'll have to be going."
He stands up to let me out and as I pass him I can smell him, an earthy, musky scent. As I have not noticed this before I figure he must be wearing some new cologne.
"Hot date, Mr Paris?" Again that blinding smile.
"Not tonight." I walk away rather hastily.
When I'm back in the safety of my quarters I think over what as just happened. I find out nearly everyone on the ship is attracted to the First Officer but me. Why have I not been aware of this, why as no one mentioned to me that the Commander is hot stuff. Am I so self absorbed that I don’t notice what's going on around me. Some would say that I am. I admit that smile threw me and he did smell nice but there was no flickering interest in the pleasure department so I am glad to say I don't fancy the Commander. Despite the dazzling smile and friendly demeanour I am absolutely certain he wasn't coming onto me.
The next morning on the bridge I am a little apprehensive. Last night unsettled me and I am not sure what my reaction will be to Chakotay. My body has always had a mind of it's own, so to speak. What if after all the talk I suddenly find I am attracted to him or even worse have to walk around with a hard on all shift. It wouldn't be so bad if I didn’t know he was a hopeless case when it came to a bit of male bonding. If I knew he was interested I might consider dropping my senior staff rule. But when I look at him, not even a goose bump never mind anything else, not even when he squeezes my shoulder. All I can say is that's a relief, I can get back to wooing Geron.
Weeks pass. I give up on pursuing Geron when it becomes obvious Ayala is making sure I am getting nowhere near him. It doesn't matter because I'm keeping busy with Megan and Captain Proton.
One quiet shift, I'm busy musing on my date for the evening, when out of nowhere a damaged ship appears. Chakotay goes over to rescue the sole occupant. On board is a woman who informs us she has been on board Voyager before but her chemistry doesn't allow us to hold memories of her and that all our logs have been wiped of her appearance. She says her name is Kellin, that she comes from a closed society and that they will be coming to reclaim her. The biggest news is that she has been in a romance with the Commander or so she claims and has come back because she still loves him. At the start he is reserved but gradually he becomes more relaxed, laughing or smiling at the slightest thing. I know there are a few jealous stares, some of the crew are cynical about her motives. I am jealous but only because Chakotay has got the girl. She is tall, blonde and beautiful and I can't help feeling that the Commander is a lucky man.
Late one night I enter the mess hall and see them. They are unaware of me and for the first time I see Chakotay as a man of passion, of feeling. On duty he is so controlled, so centred and steady, it is hard to imagine him as I see him now. He is spoon-feeding her dessert, a look of pure delight and passion on his face. For a minute I think he looks beautiful but then I turn and leave.
Despite all of our efforts, a tracer from her world gets to her and purges her of her memories of Chakotay. He is upset when she returns to her people and becomes very solitary, working in his office, not socialising. It takes quite a while before he begins mixing with people again. I never thought I would say this but I miss his company, miss his presence about the ship, on the bridge, to be truthful I just miss him. One day I get in the turbo-lift and he is already in.
"You alright Chakotay?"
"Yeah, I will be. Thanks Tom." He looks away.
I react automatically. I reach out and squeeze his arm. "I've missed you, about the ship. It steadies me knowing you're there."
He gives me a little, sad smile and clasps my arm and nods.
The doors open on the bridge and I let out my breath. Fuck, what is happening. As Chakotay grabbed my arm I had instantly become aroused. It must be a stress thing because I am damned sure I'm not attracted to him.
At the end of the shift he pulls me to one side. "Would you join me for a meal tonight? I'd like some company." I want to say no, get away from him.
"Yes, I'd love to. What time?" I cannot believe I just said that, I am beginning to think something has taken over my mind as well as my body.
"19:00, that Ok?"
I nod dumbly.
"I'll see you then," and he turns away.
"Chakotay, where?"
"My quarters." And he gives me one of those smiles again.
Oh fuck, what if I spend all night with glazed eyes and a raging hard on. I'll call him later, make up some excuse and cancel.
I don't cancel but I do take out insurance. A solitary session in the shower should take care of any stray excitement for the evening.
The meal goes very well, he's good company. We tell each other stories about our time at the academy. The killer smile keeps appearing and occasionally I get a hint of his scent but luckily down below shows only disinterest.
Towards the end of the night we discuss his last romance, he felt he could have eventually fallen in love with her. He becomes quiet, I suppose mulling over what could have been.
I get up and thank him for the evening, saying we should do it again, sooner rather than later.
"Chakotay I'm really sorry it didn’t work out for you but you've got to look forward, someone else may come along."
He nods. "You’re a good friend, Tom. Thanks." Before I know it he pulls me into a manly embrace. I know it's just an affectionate way of saying thanks for being a friend but my arms automatically wrap around him and I pull him to me. For what seems like eternity but in reality is only seconds, we hold each other.
I break away. "See you on the bridge, goodnight."
"Goodnight Tom."
I quickly walk to my quarters and strip off. Climbing in the shower I stroke myself while remembering the feel of him in my arms. I recall the sensation of his powerful chest against mine, his strong arms around me. The smell of him is still in my nostrils. It only takes a minute before I am gasping at my release. Up until this moment I could deny, pretend, but now I know, I want Chakotay. What's changed I don’t know and the fact still remains Chakotay has never been interested in men and he's made it plain that he has no intentions of trying that little delight.
I think back to my courtship of B'Elanna. She had shown no interest in me but I had chased her relentlessly. I felt alive, planning on how to get her into bed. It gave me something to think about, something to aim for. I feel the same thrill when I think about Chakotay. Unfortunately once I'd got B'Elanna I lost interest. It was great at first but the thrill of the chase had gone and I started messing about, breaking dates, flirting with others. She soon put a stop to that, walked out on me. Still it was good while it lasted. If I could just get Chakotay interested, I wouldn't blow it this time.
I am already seated at the helm when Chakotay comes onto the bridge, laughing at something the Captain just said to him. Yeah, well she can forget that, he's mine. I laugh to myself at that ludicrous thought.
"Everything alright, Mr Paris?" Chakotay's deep, sexy voice wafts over to me.
"I'm fine Commander." My cock twitches in response. I settle down to flying, luckily it’s quiet so I can let my mind wander to various scenarios on how I can go about seducing the impossible. He is slowly becoming an obsession of mine.
His hand on my shoulder brings me out of an impossible fantasy of us being forced to make love by aliens.
"Good report on the away mission, Lieutenant." He gives my shoulder a gentle squeeze. A shiver travels through my body and I glance down and my nipples are erect and proud and on show for the crew to see. Good thing I'm facing away from everybody.
I slowly begin my campaign, asking him to join me for lunch, a drink in Sandrine's, a game of pool. At the same time I increase our bodily contact. I don’t know if he notices but I have become more tactile, touching his shoulder, squeezing his arm. Anything to be near him. After a few weeks we're getting together two or three times a week, sometimes with other people, sometimes alone. Every time I am alone with him, I spend the time semi aroused, not just my cock but my whole body feels alive. I look at him and I want to kiss him, kiss him passionately. I want to push him against the wall and take him hard. I want him to throw me on the bed and…… This kind of thinking is getting me nowhere but however much I try the thoughts keep coming back, usually at the most inappropriate time.
Our friendship remains just that. At none of our get togethers does he show any interest in me besides a friend and I appreciate that but I'm doing all the asking, putting in all the effort and I began to think that maybe if I didn’t set up our meetings we wouldn’t get together at all.
One night, after a game of pool and a drink Chakotay gives me a hesitant smile. I can see that he wants to say something but is finding it difficult.
"Is something the matter?"
"Tom I don’t want you to take this the wrong way but people are talking. About us." I watch him as he swallows nervously.
"What about us?" I don’t think I like where this conversation is going.
"People, some people, think there is more to us than friendship. I just thought you ought to know." He looks at me without smiling.
"And does that bother you?" My constant semi-arousal just disappeared.
"Well I'm not really bothered about gossip but I don't want you to get the wrong idea. Nothing against you personally but you do know I'm not interested in a relationship with a man, don't you? That this is about friendship, that's all?"
I nod. "Friendship's all I want Chakotay, you don't have to worry that I want anything else."
We chat a bit more but as soon as I can I make my excuses. Nothing's changed. I knew he was straight from the start but now he's put it in words I feel a sense of disappointment, a loss of hope.
Over the next few days I keep busy, catching up with Harry, going on a few dates. A week after our little chat Chakotay catches me as I finish the shift.
"Would you like to meet up for a meal and a chat tonight?" He gives a hopeful smile.
Well I did say I wanted friendship so I agree. But it is hard, and I don’t just mean my dick, to sit opposite him and pretend I don’t want him. But I do feel good that he's asked me.
We still spend time with each other. As I do less of the asking the Commander does more, which pleases me and we settle down to meeting up just once a week. Unfortunately I can't throw off the feeling that I want him so once a week is more than enough.
We go on an away mission, Harry, Chakotay and me, to scan some anomalous readings. The mission's relaxed, we all have a good laugh, enjoy each other's company. On the way back we are attacked by some Delta bully and just get out by the seat of our pants. Back on board Voyager, Chakotay asks both Harry and me to dinner that night. We both agree, Harry too eagerly for my liking. The camaraderie of the flyer carries over to the meal and before long we are laughing at each other's stories of first loves. Well mine and Harry's first loves, Chakotay doesn't say much on that front. Harry leaves, he's on early duty tomorrow and then there's just Chakotay and me. I have had too much wine, it makes me feel mellow, relaxed, a little too relaxed. We sit on the couch and I tell him a story of being caught in bed with one of my dad's young protégés. Like I said too much wine, because as he laughs at something I say, I lean over and kiss him. A small, gentle, hardly there kiss. The way he jumps out of the seat anyone watching would have thought I had touched him with a Klingon pain stick.
I leap up as well, "I'm sorry Chakotay. I am so sorry."
"No Tom, it's me who should be sorry. I must have given you the wrong idea." His face is distraught.
"No, I've offended you. I don’t want our friendship to end but I need to be honest with you. I've been attracted to you for a while. I know you don’t do the guy thing, and I respect that. I'm sorry I'll go."
I turn to go, embarrassed and sad that I have ruined a good friendship.
"Tom, we can still be friends."
I nod and get out. We can still be friends, as long as there are other people about. Because you can bet your last credit that if he's alone with me, he'll not be able to relax. Every time I move he'll think I'm going to pounce.
As I thought, the next time we have dinner he invites B'Elanna. I suppose it's better than nothing but I feel disappointed. Even though nothing sexual ever happened the permanent arousal I felt at our meetings was like exquisite torture and I miss that feeling. The goosebumps as he smiles at me, the hardening of my cock through the evening, the orgasm that blows me away the minute I got back to my quarters. It isn't the same when other people are present but I suppose I've only got myself to blame.
A couple of months later Chakotay goes on an away mission and I decide to use the time to get my thoughts into order. While I had been pursuing Chakotay I had put the rest of my life on hold. Harry had called me on it once or twice. I just told him I was giving my dick a rest. I don’t know if he bought that little story or not.
At the helm I am busy bantering with the Captain about how boring this area of space is and she's threatening me with other work when we come across a Borg cube. Luckily it is dead in space and we are all relieved when we find out there are no life signs aboard. The Captain decides to take an away team over. What they find is 1100 Borg corpses, the result of some kind of accident that happened 5 years before. What puzzles the away team is why did the Borg collective just leave their ship. B'Elanna suggests that it could be because an enemy more powerful than the Borg attacked them. On this thought the Captain decides to meet up with the Commander earlier than planned.
I just want him back on board, to know he is safe. When we get to the agreed meeting place, a message left 3 days earlier informs us that the away team have gone to answer a distress call.
Eventually we get Chakotay back on board with someone called Riley Frazier. We find out that not only has Chakotay been very ill but that the group he has been helping are former borg. Riley asks the Captain for help in re-connecting the neural link, between all the people on the planet, using the Cube's generator. The captain refuses and it turns very messy when they take control of Chakotay's mind and force him into restarting the generator. Luckily they destroy the Cube and we get back on to our journey home. All Chakotay wants to do is to forget the whole experience but to do that he needs to get it out of his system.
A few days after the dust settles he invites me to dinner. The table only seems to be set for two.
"Anyone joining us?" I ask, hopeful that we can spend some time together talking over what happened to him.
"No it's just me and you."
After eating, I gently cajole him to tell me what happened.
He's reluctant at first but eventually after some coaxing he opens up to me.
"We were set upon immediately. We tried to fight but we were both hit. I was so helpless, I couldn’t get to Kaplan, I couldn't save her. When I became conscious, the group who had rescued me told me that they had been stranded there and that the different groups spent a lot of time and energy fighting each other. I offered to help them with their technology but they were very cautious, very secretive. I became suspicious and crept out and discovered they had been borg. That came as a shock and made me very wary but I was in no state to put up a fight. When my condition worsened the only solution they could come up with was for me to link in with them. I've got to tell you Tom, it was a really strange experience. I didn’t want them to do it but without the link I would have died. I was as mad as hell that they took control of me. I know I didn’t have control of my actions but I felt, still feel, responsible. How could I let them take advantage of me like that? How could I have been so weak?"
"Chakotay, no one holds you responsible. You need to put it behind you." I wanted to gather him into my arms, hold him safe but I knew he would just shrink from my touch, so I just watched him.
I had heard that Chakotay had got it together with the woman named Riley. So even though Chakotay had made it plain from the start that I had no chance with him, it was hearing about his involvement with this woman that finally brought it home.
I know pursuing Chakotay is a waste of time but unfortunately my body hasn't caught up with that notion yet. I feel the goosebumps on the back of my neck. He hands me a glass of wine and gives me one of his smiles, his eyes locking with mine. It's an old routine but one I've become fond of. The goosebumps come first, then the nipples began to harden and then my dick follows. I haven’t done it for a while but I'm up to the nipple stage already. I know if he puts his hand on my shoulder I'll be hard. When I get back to my room, I'll explode before I've even got my trousers off. I hadn't realised how much I had missed this solitary dance of arousal.
We sit and chat some more, all the time I want him to mention the woman but he doesn't, cleverly skirting around it.
As the question keeps going around in my head I blurt it out without a thought.
"What about the woman? Did you fall in love with her?" A touch of bitterness unintentionally creeps in.
"After they had healed me, I still had a residual link with her. If she touched her face, I could feel the touch on mine. Everything was more intense. I could see all their memories. She came onto me, wanting to preserve the link a little longer. We made love, but no I didn't fall in love with her. I am ashamed to say I used her." He hangs his head down.
I don't know what to say or do. He's thrown me with this last piece of information.
"What for sex?"
He looks at me, his eyes troubled, his face grim.
"Tom, when you kissed me, you scared me, to use one of your sayings, you put a spanner in the works.
I begin to apologise again but he stops me.
"Hear me out Tom, this is not easy to say."
I know what he is going to say, he doesn't want me around any more. I make him feel too uncomfortable.
I look at him and can see some internal struggle taking place. He takes a drink, carefully puts it back down, all his concentration on placing the glass correctly. I wait, holding my breath.
"I didn't want to think about you, what you were offering. When Riley came along and made it plain she was attracted to me I wanted to prove that it was a woman I wanted. She soon had me aroused and I wanted her so much. She was an attractive woman and well, it's been awhile."
Gods, I did not want to hear this. Is he doing this on a purpose, telling me how hard he is for a woman? Is it his not so subtle way of saying fuck off, not interested?
"The thing is Tom." He reaches over and lifts up my head. He seems unable to continue.
"The thing is, I was hard for her but when I entered her, when I thrust into her, it was your face I saw." He stands up quickly and turns away from me. "When she moaned I wanted it to be you moaning and when she shouted out her climax it was your face I wanted to see. I made love to her over and over trying to get rid of your face, the thought of what it would be like to take you and I couldn't."
I watch as he leans his forehead on the cool glass. For a moment I just stare at him but then I move quickly. Striding over to him I turn him around and before he can react I kiss him, thoroughly. I am surprised when he moans and kisses me back. Chakotay wants me and I can tell he really wants me by the hardness pressing against me.
I need to take this slow, the last thing I want to do is scare him. I lead him back over to the couch.
"Do you want me, as a lover?" I want him so much that if he says no I don’t know what I'll do.
A mumbled reply. I ask again. "Do you want me?"
He leans forward. "Yes." Then he is kissing me, his hands roaming over my body. I don’t know about me scaring him, he's frightening me with his passion.
We move to the bedroom, Chakotay taking off his clothes as he comes through the door.
"Chakotay we don’t have to do this yet, we can take it slow, build up to it when you are ready." I look at his aroused eyes and all I can see is his lust for me.
"No Tom, we've waited long enough. I want you now."
I can't think, don’t want to think as his hands, mouth and body are all over mine. All I can say is he's a natural at this. I thought I would be the tutor and he would be the pupil but he doesn’t need it, he seems to be doing everything by instinct. And what instinct. He has me prepared in no time. As he begins to slowly work his cock into me it occurs to me that if this is Chakotay's first time what is he going to be like once he knows what he is doing. And then I stop thinking as he begins to thrust.
"Oh fuck Tom, this is so good, better than I dreamed of." He's telling me how beautiful I am, how much he wants me and then he's stroking me, fucking me hard, moaning with every thrust. I come with so much force and that's all Chakotay needs.
I lay in his arms, completely satisfied, happy, contented even. Finally I have got my man. I have never pursued anyone as long as Chakotay, never wanted anyone as much. We are going to make such sweet music together.
TBC
Pursuing Chakotay by Darksusie
[Reviews - 0]
Chapter or Story | Table of Contents | - Text Size + 
