Disclaimer: Voyager and her crew are the property of Paramount.
I walk to meet Ken. I am happy that at last Chakotay and I have been able to talk things out, put things behind us. Less happy that Chakotay has let Max make love to him. I had asked him time and time again to let me but he had always refused. That he had trusted Max and not me, hurt. But for us to have any friendship I would have to put that behind me.
Ken didn't ask me what had gone on, he knew better. He was a good man, a bit on the serious side but he was clever enough to give me some space. So far I hadn't cheated on him, kissed and flirted with a few but nothing serious. He would understand about me rebuilding a friendship with Chakotay but I thought he would be a little jealous so I intended to invite Ken along for the pool game tomorrow. It would take time and effort to build bridges, I didn't want to lose Ken in the process. I wasn't in love with him but I was fond of him and he was good for me. After Chakotay I had tired quickly of sleeping around. Our relationship had made me see that I could get something out of a serious relationship. Being with Ken wasn't the same as with Chakotay, it wasn't as passionate, as fulfilling. But it was comforting, supportive and a lot less volatile. We didn’t argue as much so we didn’t have the spectacular making up sessions but I could come back to him and he would hold me and he wouldn’t question what I had been doing. Another bonus with Ken was that he at least would let me make love to him.
I explain to him that the Commander and I were trying to get back on track and become friends again but I don't want to exclude Ken. As usual he agrees to whatever I say and in the end it is an enjoyable night. Ken suggests that we team up and play against Chakotay and Greg. It is a tough match, very close but Ken and I manage to win in the end. I notice Ken occasionally putting a possessive hand on my shoulder and I sometimes glimpse Chakotay taking notice. After a last drink Chakotay makes to leave.
"Same time next week?" I ask because I know he won't. It was good spending time with him again and I want to keep up the momentum. He nods and leaves.
I am going to be especially good to Ken when we get back to his room. I appreciate he is being supportive of Chakotay. Ken has a fetish about spanking, which we don't indulge in often but I am going to allow him that pleasure as a thank you. As he makes his way into the bedroom I sit on the couch. I see him hesitate as I take out my flaccid cock. I begin stroking it to hardness. I can see he is unsure of where this is going.
"Come over here Dalby and suck me."
He hesitates before walking over and falling to his knees. One thing about Ken is he is a master of the blow job. I knew Chakotay had only done it under sufferance but with Ken I could enjoy every minute. As he deep throats me I grab his hair. I know I am causing him pain but I also know he is enjoying it. When I let go of him, he looks at me with expectant eyes.
"Strip off Dalby and bend over the table." I see him give an involuntary shudder.
"When I told you to suck me, I saw you hesitate. That's just not good enough."
I slap his ass hard on both cheeks. I only ever use my hand. When Ken had first asked me to do this I had been very unsure. I wasn't into inflicting pain so I had insisted we didn’t use any instruments. I soon realised we didn't need anything but my hand as Ken responded so well to even the smallest amount of pain.
"I'm sorry Tom." I could tell by his laboured breathing he was very aroused.
"It's Lieutenant Paris to you, Dalby." For some reason he loved me to play the heavy. I spank him a little harder this time.
He moans loudly. "Yes sir, Lieutenant Paris."
I have nothing to be mad at him for so I am finding it difficult to put any energy into the spanking.
"Have you been a bad boy today Dalby. Is there any misdemeanour I need to punish you for?" One of the reasons why we don't do this often is because I am no good at this kind of role playing. A straight fuck is all I need.
"I've been having sexual thoughts about someone else."
I slap him again and I can see he wants it harder. This last bit of information has interested me so I think I will follow this line.
"So you little slut, tell me who's been getting you hot, hard and bothered."
"The Commander."
I whack him hard, causing a yelp. I don't have to pretend now. Ken has got his reaction, I am angry and hard.
"And what is the Commander doing to you."
I reach over to the drawer and began coating my cock with the lube. I quickly push a finger into Ken, causing him to yelp again.
"I asked you a question Dalby." I slap him hard twice against both cheeks.
"Take me Tom, please."
"Oh I'm going to take you, don't you worry. Tell me what you imagined you and the Commander were up to." I've worked three fingers into Ken and he can’t keep his mind on the conversation because of the sensations building up in him.
I withdraw my fingers, causing him to whimper. This time I hit him really hard.
"Answer me now, Dalby."
"I imagine I was fucking him over his office desk, fucking him hard. He was begging me for more."
This is all I need. I plunge into him and thrust hard, over and over. I reach around but it doesn't need much, Ken is so turned on. He comes with a ragged cry, I quickly follow and then we both sink to the floor. He holds me while I stop shaking, the orgasm is that intense. I cannot help thinking he mentioned Chakotay deliberately to get a reaction. Maybe Ken is cleverer than I thought.
Things seem to be a little easier on the bridge. The pool match the previous night cleared the air and I am sure everyone has noticed.
I don't realise I that I am looking forward to the next pool night until I am getting dressed. It isn't until I look in the mirror that I realise I have put on Chakotay's favourite shirt. I quickly take it back off, disgusted with myself that I still want him to find me attractive. I put on something plain, unappealing. This time they win us hands down and both Greg and Chakotay gloat over it. My mind is elsewhere. I cannot stop going over my lovemaking session with Ken and how jealous and angry I had got over him mentioning Chakotay.
It is a couple of weeks later when Ken is on a different shift that Chakotay and I arrange to meet for a meal. For some reason I don't tell Ken and this time I do put on the shirt, my perverse nature I suppose. I am disappointed when I get there and B'Elanna is already sipping a drink. Is he scared to be alone with me? Did he still have feelings? Stupid things to even consider. I should know by now that it's firmly in the past. We chat, eat the meal, and have a few drinks. We are just settling down to a game of cards when the door chime goes. Chakotay calls enter and Ken comes in.
"I got off duty earlier than I thought and the computer said you were here. I just wondered if you wanted to go for a drink in Sandrine's?" He seems embarrassed, awkward.
"I may join you later but at the moment I'm having a drink with friends."
He turns to go but Chakotay stands up.
"You can join us if you like Ken, if you don’t mind losing rations."
I am mad, mad at Chakotay for inviting the other people and mad at Ken for checking up on me. I can't settle to the game and soon make my excuses. Ken gets up to join me.
"You don't have to finish on my account Ken." I see Chakotay give me a confused look.
"No, I want to have a word with you in private." Ken moves towards me and we say our goodnights.
When we get to my quarters Ken makes to come in.
"You can come in Ken but only to talk. You're not staying the night." He knows he's pissed me off and he looks dejected.
"What the hell do you think you were doing checking up on me?"
He looks at me crestfallen. "Tom, I just wondered what you were doing in the Commander's room. You never mentioned you were meeting up with him. I know you've been seeing more of each other, I was just concerned you were rekindling things."
"Ken, we are not getting back together but I don’t belong to you and I don’t appreciate you acting as if I do. Now if you don’t mind I’d like to get some sleep." I think I am more angry with myself for my reaction to B'Elanna's presence than with Ken but Ken's an easy target for my frustration and anger.
"Are you telling me to go?"
"Ken. I've had a good time and I really like your company but you are getting too serious and I'm not ready for that."
He falls to his knees and begs for another chance and foolishly I give in but I know we will both regret it.
A couple of days after that I bump into Geron. He can't help but flirt with me and I flirt straight back. A couple of kisses and 30 minutes later I am buried in his ass. Ken is on his way out. If he couldn’t get the message the other night he would get it soon enough when he hears the rumours about Geron and me.
I don't see the fist coming as I walk into the shuttle bay. I quickly turn around ready to fight and come face to face with Ayala. No way can I fight him, not unless he's restrained and I am equipped with a phaser.
He grabs me by the scruff of the neck, "you lay a finger on Geron again and I'll see you don’t fuck with anybody again. You get my drift, you low life bastard."
Somehow I gather myself, "as far as I know he's a free agent Ayala and he came to me willingly, so back off."
His face comes very near to me, "the kid's very vulnerable and he doesn't need a slut like you taking advantage of him." He grabs my balls and squeezes hard, bringing tears to my eyes. "I said, touch him again and you will regret it."
He turns to walk away but then changes his mind, swings around and hits me in the gut.
I sit down for a while to get my breath back and then I make my way to the Commander's office. There is just no way I am going to let that big thug threaten me. I cannot see that I have done anything wrong. Once upon a time I may have put up with this shit but not anymore.
He looks up as I enter. "What can I do for you, Tom?" He notices my dishevelled appearance and nods to the seat for me to sit down.
"Ayala's just hit me and threatened me, he can't go around taking matters into their own hands. I want you to have a word with him. He's sticking his nose in my business and it's nothing to do with him."
"Do you want to start from the beginning?"
"He's found out that I've slept with Geron and he's taken it on himself to warn me off. It's not on, you know I could just report him to Tuvok but I thought I would give you chance to sort it out." I was so busy wrapped up in getting justice that I didn't notice Chakotay's reaction.
"Why are you sleeping with Geron if you are seeing Ken?" Chakotay's face has become very serious.
"Ken's getting too serious. I tried to finish with him the other night but he wouldn't listen. I thought he would get the message if he heard about me and Geron." Now I had put it in words I could understand why people would get the wrong idea about me.
"So you used Geron for your own ends?"
"Well, you could put it like that but we've flirted with each other on and off for ages. He wanted it as much as me. I didn’t take advantage if that's what your thinking. It was just a bit of fun."
"You didn’t take advantage."
I cannot remember the last time I had seen him so mad. The first seeds of uncertainty began to grow in my head.
"Do you know the abuse Geron suffered at the hands of the Cardassians. He only knows how to show affection sexually. Greg has been working on Geron's self-esteem for months and you come along and just fuck him because you think it’s a good idea and all Greg's work is for nothing. Geron will be back to giving it away to anybody who shows him a kind word because that's all he knows."
I hadn’t realised, apart from watching him lean over the pool table and some casual flirting, I didn’t know much about his background.
"I didn’t know. Chakotay you've got to believe I wouldn’t have done something like that if I had known."
"I don’t know Tom. It seems you're just back to playing your old games again. Is there anybody you care about apart from yourself? Now if you don’t mind Greg's just made an appointment to see me, obviously about this situation and no doubt Dalby will be wanting to see me when he hears."
I stumble out, not only appalled that I have treated Geron so casually but also that my fledgling friendship with Chakotay is in ruins.
I need to sort things out, take on some responsibilities for my actions. My first port of call is to see Ken. He is in his quarters and his face lights up when I enter and then it becomes crestfallen
.
"I heard about you and Geron. If you promise not to do it again I can forgive you. I still want to be with you."
"Ken I'm not seeing Geron again but I think we need to call it a day. I've really enjoyed my time with you and I've become fond of you but I'm just not going to develop the same feeling for you that you have for me."
"I can live with that Tom, please I'll do anything to keep us together. I'll do anything you want."
"It's over Ken. If we carry on I'll only hurt you."
I walk out. There has only been Chakotay who could stand up to me, who could make me value a relationship. He wouldn't promise to do anything, he would show me the door and I would respect that.
I meet up with Harry for lunch and tell him what I have done. Harry isn't to pleased about my selfish behaviour but he does say I am doing the right thing facing up to my mistakes.
I make my way to Ayala's cabin, prepared to be hit again. When he lets me in Geron is there as well, his face tearful.
"I'm sorry, to both of you. I didn’t realise the situation. I didn’t think, nothing new there. Geron, if I've hurt you I am sorry and Greg please know I won’t do it again."
"You're not the only one to blame Tom. I'm just sorry I hurt Greg." Geron gives a sad smile but Ayala is quick to his side.
"I have spoken to the Commander and he's said you didn't know Geron's background. It doesn't excuse your shitty behaviour but I suppose that's just you being yourself. I appreciate you coming to see us Paris, but if you don’t mind we’ve things to talk over."
I nod and leave. My next stop is the Commander's office.
He looks up.
"What have you done now?"
"Thanks for the vote of confidence. I've come to say sorry, that I let you down with my behaviour. I've seen Ken and apologised to Ayala and Geron and I just want to know are we still friends?"
"Let me think, how about dinner tonight, 19:30 and we’ll talk about it?"
"I'll be there." I feel better already
19:25, I am outside his door, I was eager and early and I so wanted this evening to go well. If he had invited a third person I could live with that as long as we could get back onto an even footing.
It is just us two and I know I am in trouble when the goosebumps start as soon as he pours the wine. By dessert I am up to the hardened nipple stage. We talk some more about Geron, about Goldie and then we move off the personal stuff and onto more general conversation. He bends over the table to move the plates and that is when I move into the third stage, the hardening of my cock. My whole body starts tingling, and my cock spends the rest of the night making me aware that it still exists. In the end it gets too much for me and I have to make my excuses and get out of his presence. As soon as I get into my quarters, I lean on the door and begin to stroke myself. My old routine is back, and if truth be known I have missed it. I know that next time I am on the bridge I will be semi aroused and I am looking forward to the time he puts his hand on my shoulder. As I think about my cock being hard while I sit at the helm, I picture Chakotay and come with cry.
I stop dating, screwing around, it distracts me from my imaginings of the Commander. On a good day I can get to climax over him three or four times. Once in the morning, as I wake up aroused for him, then if he touches me or speaks to me kindly while on duty I can come straight back to my cabin to jerk off and then the crowning glory, an evening spent in his company. I know I am getting the unhealthy obsession with him, the one that had started all this in the first place. But I am helpless to stop it. I don't want to stop it. I start the dance all over again, asking him to play pool, inviting him for dinner. This time I don't get drunk, don't kiss him and this time, like last time, Chakotay just wants friendship. But I can deal with it. I will have to deal with it because it is better than the alternative.
TBC
Pursuing Chakotay by Darksusie
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